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Andrea Writer's E-mail

From:  awriter@conference.com
Sent:  Thursday, June 25, 2010 11:25 AM
To:  [all staff]
Subject:  Annual Conference

I have enclosed information pertaining too the Annual Conference. The conference center we have chosen is Geneva Park. Please check a local map for details. You can check in at 3:00 p.m. or later on August 20 DON’T FORGET TO BRING YOU’RE OWN GOLF CLUBS BECAUSE RENTING THEM WILL BE EXPENSIVE AND IT IS NOT THE POLICY OF OUR COMPANY TO PAY FOR SUCH INCIDENTALS. Dinner will be our first function at 6:30 p.m. on the Tuesday.

The center has lots of fun activities and facilities and you'll have a little free time. Dress is casual. Don’t plan on bringing your spouse – they are not invited. Management must approve the cost of your flight. I, am the contact for your arrival and room details.  If you wish to bring your spouse at your own expense, please let me know and I will book your accommodations. You will find an agenda for the five days attached. 

To ensure we get the accommodations we need for our conference on August 20-23 you must confirm your plans by July 9, 2009.

IWCC’s Sample Rewrite

Check out the rewrite below. What pieces of your advice did we use?

From:   awriter@conference.com
Sent:  Thursday, June 25, 2010 11:25 AM
To:  [all staff]
Subject:  Confirm your plans for the 8th annual conference by July 9

Hello everyone,

As your conference coordinator, I am pleased to let you know that we have finalized the arrangements for our 8th Annual Conference, August 20-23. You will find three documents attached to help you plan to attend: an agenda, a map and transportation options. To ensure we get the best accommodations, please confirm with me by July 9 that you will attend.

Getting ready for our Annual Conference
We will be staying at Geneva Park in Orillia. You can check in after 3:00 p.m. on Tuesday, August 20; and our first function will be dinner at 6:30 p.m. in the main dining room. Dress for the conference is casual, but feel free to dress more formally for dinner.

You are welcome to invite your spouse to join you for the three days, at your expense. We are happy to outline the costs if you are interested.

Our conference theme

As you will notice in the attached agenda, this year’s theme is: “Exceptional Customer Service”. We will focus on strengthening the already good service we provide to both our internal and external clients. Each department will be giving a presentation, and your supervisor will give you details about your group’s responsibilities.

The facilities are excellent!
Geneva Park has excellent facilities, so bring your golf clubs, hiking boots and bathing suits. You will find additional information in the enclosed conference package. Many activities are free ... swimming, paddleboats, hiking. If you are a golfer, please note that golf club rental is $30 a day and you are responsible for your own golf expenses.

Arranging travel to the conference
If you plan to attend the conference, we will provide additional information about your travel arrangements. You will need your manager’s approval on flights. And, I will need your flight details by August 6 to arrange transportation from the airport to Geneva Park.

This year’s conference will be crucial to our continued success and I am confident you will find it fun, stimulating and rewarding. I will look forward to hearing from you by July 9 to confirm your attendance. In the meantime, if you have any questions or concerns, please give me a call at 123-4567; or e-mail me at awriter@conference.com.

See you at the conference,

Andrea
Conference Coordinator

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Posted: June 24, 2010 at 04:30 PM
By: IWCC Training

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